Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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