I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
