That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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