Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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