Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
