so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
