i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize