I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
