i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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