We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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