Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
