420 ftw
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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