do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
