I just made out with a guy for $7.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
soo... how was my night?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
