Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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