Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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