i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
