Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
