he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
