I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
