my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
