Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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