I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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