he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
