You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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