We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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