Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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