I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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