Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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