Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my shit smells like andre
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize