I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
