I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
