Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
