Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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