You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
