I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
