Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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