i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
