I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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