I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
