You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize