Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
