he was CRYING into my vagina
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize