easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
lol hangovers are for mortals.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
