Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize
