if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
