I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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