And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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