On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
