Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
