like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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