my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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