I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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