For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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