My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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