All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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