I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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