why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
