The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you had me at cake vodka
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
