Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
