there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
