so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Can Purell be used as lube?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
