Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
