It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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