Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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