I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize