Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
