so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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