Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
