Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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