so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
