it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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