My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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