She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
