I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
