You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize