just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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