well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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