Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
