This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
