Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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