and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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