His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
